Marriage Software

Marriage Software, This is what a guy wrote to a Systems Analyst -(Marriage Software Div)

Dear Systems Analyst,

 
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Soccer 6.3" always fails and "Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

The Systems Analyst replied:
 

Dear Customer,
 

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.
 

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the...
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
 

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!
Yours Systems Analyst

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DON’T EVER GIVE UP ON GOD!

Frank Edwards is perhaps the foremost Gospel Artiste in Nigeria currently. Hear him share his story last Sunday, 24th January, at the inauguration of the Calvary Bible Church, Lekki. It was so inspiring!

Hear him! “10 years ago, I was hawking on the streets of Enugu for my mother. We were so poor that we could hardly afford to eat. But, my mother always took me to church. She always told me to serve GOD, and that is how I have lived my life. Even when it was difficult to eat, I have always lived a life of worship. That is me. That is my life! When I started singing, and my songs were being played everywhere, I had all kinds of offers. I was in South Africa for a program, and some promoters came to me and said, ‘Frank, your songs are so good, and we would like to promote you, take you all over the world. However, you mention JESUS too much in your songs. Replace JESUS with GOD and we can do business together’. Brethren, that offer was very tempting. You would think, ‘what is the big deal about replacing JESUS with GOD?’ So, I called my mother, and told her about the offer. She said, ‘Don’t mind them O! Don’t do it O! Holy Ghost Fire burn all of them.’ So, I told them NO! Today, GOD has taken my music all over! It’s a beautiful thing to see white people, Americans, singing my song, Igbo songs that they don’t even know the meaning! GOD did it.

Sometime ago, we were concluding a program, and I was looking for a camera man to snap my picture with Don Moen. When eventually I got someone to take the picture, as I posed with Don, he looked at me and said, ‘Frank Edwards! It is you! I need to take this picture with you!’ And he took his phone and showed me, ‘See, I have all your songs on my phone’. We took the snapshot, and then he said, ‘Frank, I saw online that you have a studio in your home. I would like us to do collaboration together. I’m gonna come to your house for the first recording, and you will come over to mine in U.S. for the finishing.’ Me, the same street boy in Enugu, doing a collabo with Don Moen. Only GOD could have made it happen. Live for GOD. Praise Him and thank Him even when things are not as you would have loved them to be. Do this, and the change will come! Live a life of worship”

As I write this piece, Frank Edwards should still be in the U.S, wrapping up his one of a kind album with Don Moen. Wherever you are now, whatever the challenge, don’t ever give up on GOD. He is not through with you yet! Keep hope alive!

Shalom.
By Kevwe

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Touch Lives, Save Souls

 

You heard he is a cultist. You could not believe it, you said “He is so young and He is just 16 and in SS1”. Now, you have seen him – marijuana parting his lips, a tattooed snake on his arm and in his hand is a bottle of beer. You heard him say that his favorite date is the 7th of July, and you assumed that was his birthday. You stood afar and criticized him, you told your friends that hell awaits him, you shook your head and said to yourself, “He is already doomed”. But you do not know that within the “bad, hard guy” lies a fragile, aching heart wanting to be loved and showed a little care. Now, he only finds solace in his gang because his dad and mom are on the brink of divorce!

She knocked on your door asking to help you do anything for food or money. She looked so unkempt and malnourished. You were torn between pity and disbelief. You know her uncle to be a rich and religious man, an elder in his church, and you can help but wonder why she would be in this sorry state. You concluded that she has been wayward and disrespectful and this is his way of punishing her for some time. Without asking her any questions, you managed to give her a rumpled ₦100 note, sent her away and told her not to come back. She leaves, fighting tears, wondering how she would go back to her uncle who had sworn not to take care of her except she warms his bed!

That man you saw yesterday has been going through a hard time. He is a job-hunting father who just lost his only son and has been pondering on how to bury his dead. He bumped into you and before he could apologize, you have rained insults on him. You saw the tears well up in his eyes but you did not bother to show any empathy. To you, he is just a depressed fellow who should not bother others with his woes.

You saw her in a bar, wreaking of alcohol. She kept laughing and muttering to herself, “Why? Why?” You walked past her, even though a voice inside of you kept telling you to find out her problem. You shut the voice down and tagged her “A cheap drunk. A woman for that matter”! But that cheap drunk is a widow who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, moreover, she just lost her job a month ago. Now, she thinks those bottles of alcohol could wash away her sorrow.***

And you claim to have the light, you boast in the scriptures because you know only the letters (but

you are devoid of revelation)!

You failed to bring the “bad, hard guy” close and show him the truth and now he has fulfilled the request of his gang by raping his younger sister leaving his whole family distraught and confused;

Also, your ₦100 could not help that young girl for she finally yielded to the advances of her “rich

and religious” uncle. Now, she has been deflowered, all hormones have been let loose. She have been selling her wares to all and sundry and she got pregnant. At present, her cold body is lying in a mortuary because of a failed D&C just because you refused to bring her close and show her the ideals of life. And you claim you have the light;

The depressed man you insulted was seen hanging from a mango tree recently. His suicide note read “I am too weak to carry on”. You could not show him any form sympathy, perhaps, he might have shared his burden with you. Then you would have let him know that in his weakness, God’s strength is manifested. And you claim you have the light;

That “cheap drunk” is now on the hospital bed staring into the space in despair, waiting for death to rap on the door. All she needs is a message of hope, a message that would give her

life – the God kind of life.

You have that message. You are an exquisite perfume, do not bottle up your fragrance, go and

spread it where it is needed.

You are the LIGHT.... do not hide your shine. You are the salt of the world, let your taste be felt.

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Purpose of Man

Hello everyone!!! – The crew of Light Team Dynasty is screaming HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS

Oh yes! It’s a new year and just like we all have had and are still having thoughts about areas in our lives that need change, as we all want to tap into the blessing of a new year to groom ourselves. Yes we desire a ‘new’ us, well maybe not ‘new….new’ but a spiced up and enhanced version of us. So in the light of that we thought to share with you this powerful article about the one topic that covers it all up – the question that answers to our whole essence “what is the purpose of man?” and as the great legend, Myles Munore fondly says “when the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. Another great quote says “you can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result” – light team is calling upon everyone this year to light up their lamps ….know the truth, accept it and be set free!

Enjoy!

THE PURPOSE OF MAN

Author – Living Stream Ministry

MAN – THE UNIQUE CREATION

The highest development, the maturity, of created life is man. Throughout all the centuries no life has surpassed the human life. Physically, man is weaker than some of the animals, but this weakness is far outweighed by man’s superior consciousness, including his feelings and reasoning ability. Yet man is not just the highest life among creation; he is also the unique life. Regarding all the varieties of plant and animal life that God created, He said that each one was “according to its kind” (Gen. 1:11, 12, 21, 24, 25) or “according to its kind” (v. 21). But when He came to man, “God created man in His own image” (v. 27). This is the unique and very important point concerning man.

VESSELS FOR EXPRESSION

Why was man created in the image of God? It was in order that man might have the ability to express God. No other part of creation has this capacity because it was not created according to God’s image. God’s intention was that one day He, in the person of Christ, would enter into man and be expressed through man. Romans 9:21 and 23 reveal to us that man was made as a vessel, a container. In addition, 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, “We have this treasure in earthen vessels.” Here we see a basic revelation of the Bible – man is an earthen vessel to contain Christ as the treasure. Let us use the illustration of a glove. A glove is made in the image of the hand so that the hand might enter into the glove. Likewise, we human beings have an intellect, emotion, and will which were created according to Christ, who is the image of God (2 Cor. 4:4). But without Christ these faculties lack true meaning. Christ Himself has the highest intellect, the real emotion, and the perfect will. The faculty of our intellect may be compared to the empty thumb of a glove – Christ’s intellect may be compared to the real thumb of a human hand. The real thumb needs to get into the thumb of the glove; then the two will become one. One is the appearance, the expression, while the other is the reality, the content. Likewise our capacity of love, goodness, and patience must become the container and expression of the love, goodness, and patience of Christ,

Now we can see why God created man. We are here to contain and express Christ and to be one with Him. Whatever we are, whatever we have, and whatever we can do is like an empty glove, prepared to hold all that Christ is, all that Christ has, and all that Christ can do. Everything we are by nature is inadequate because we lack the divine element. Christ Himself must enter into every part of us. Exhortations for peace and love, though given with good intentions, are of no avail because in ourselves we lack the perfect love and the real peace. Our need today is to receive the Lord and to be filled with Him.

BEING FILLED WITH CHRIST

Practically, how can Christ enter into our being? Romans 9 tells us that we are vessels, and Romans 10 shows us the way to fill the vessel. Every vessel has a mouth, an opening. Our mouth was made to call on the name of the Lord Jesus so that we could be filled with Him. The bible says that He is “rich to all who call upon Him” (Rom. 10:12). Christ is inconceivably rich. And His riches are not just what He can do for us or give us; the highest riches are all aspects of His glorious being flowing into the corresponding parts of our being. Moreover, because of His death and resurrection, Christ is now so available to be received by anyone who would desire Him. He only asks that you turn your heart to Him, open your mouth, and call upon His name in a sincere and definite way. THE LIVING CHRIST WILL MEET YOU AND COME INTO YOUR BEING. Then you will be a complete person, filled with Christ as your content.

Furthermore, once we have received this rich Christ, we should continue daily to call upon His name, purposefully opening our whole being to Him, each fresh opening results in a fresh filling of the Spirit. How glorious is the purpose of man! As vessels, we receive and contain Christ that He might be expressed through our entire being.

God bless you for reading and we do hope you come back to read and re-read if you have to…just so it really sinks in. Please kindly feel free to drop a message in the comment section with our email address to start up a more detailed private conversation on the topic OR we can just converse in the comment section on here. Also do you have a bible of yours? We highly recommend you purchase one such as the NEW KING JAMES version in a book shop or download YOUVERSION bible app on your mobile device and you could start to enjoy your selves in the pages that set free and produce unspeakable peace

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Life may be tough, you can be Tougher!

 

I started my first business with #200 (Two Hundred Naira) because these market women supported me. If you are conversant with Obafemi Awolowo University, Central Market, you will probably know the two women in this picture Iya Yemisi and Iya Quadri, the other man is the husband of the old woman that I used to buy groundnut in bulk from, she could not make my convocation but she asked her husband to represent her. They are part of my success story as far as my graduation from OAU is concerned.

I always share the story of how I started my first business with #200 (a dozen of groundnut and a bag of purewater) in my room in ETF Hostel in my year two because things was so difficult that semester. I have no other alternative than to start something to sustain myself because I was tired of borrowing money from friends to feed and I don't want to keep pressuring them at home.

With determination and hard work, staying awake in the night sometimes even though I have 7am class the following day I grew the business from #200 to #500,000 sales per month and #2,000,000 sales (‪#‎2million‬) per semester. I employed at least six people as managers that I paid their salaries and fed. I moved from being a beggar to someone feeding others. I discovered during that period that we may never discover who God want us to be until we go through tough time.

But the whole story cannot be complete without appreciating these women and many others who on many occasions sold crates of egg, tomatoes paste, salt, groundnut, pepper and many other things for me on credit to support me. Also my wonderful room mates especially Seun Adesida, Adewunmi Tolulope, Monday Jacob, Isaac Chima and many others who assisted me whenever I wasn't around.

I learnt a lot as the CEO of that business, in fact I became most popular in ETF and Central Market. It also helped me to emerge as Accounting Students President for a whole session. My room was the most frequent room in the hall, we have to run 18 hours per day. I was the seller of last resort especially for those who have gone to read overnight.

My best moment in OAU was with these old women in the market. Their distance smiles anytime they see me coming is forever sticked to my memory. The surprising thing is that they are muslims while I am christian. But religion never brought any disagreement between us but instead we cherished each other and shared a lot of things together even personal issues. They took me like their son. We even ate together on many occasions in the market.

Sometimes I always wish we can live together in this country without turning our religion differences into a basis for hatred. I believe our differences should bring us closer because it is a strength rather than the weakness we see it as. Our differences should harmonize us rather than tearing us apart. Progress is easily achieved in an atmosphere of love and harmony.

My friend, life may be tough for you now, but you can be tougher, you can turn your difficulties to opportunities and make something worthwhile out of your life.

As at today I am a CEO of my company today "Seravision Brooks Business Solutions". Although we are still small, my vision is to become like microsoft and provide employment for millions of people all the world.

Even if you are from a rich home that doesn't mean you shouldn't develop yourself, you can start a business or learn something not because of money as your case may be but because it will serve as a way of developing yourself. You will be able to learn a lot of things that will be useful for you in future.

You don't have excuse for not succeeding. I know your story may be so pathetic and you see it as a reason good to accept failure. Let me tell you something, greatness is in you already, but you have to work hard to bring it out and I know you can. I wish you success in all your endeavors and whatever may happen along the way, never, never, never, never give up and don't forget to always appreciate people God used to make you who you are. ‪#‎support‬ Sera Sandals Project with just #500 and impact a student life.

‪#‎IamVincentAdeoba‬: I-Lead, I-Inspire, I-Impact. Share To Inspire Someone.

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Amazing God!

A friend had an interview to attend at 10am but his wife developed complications at 9am. He decided to take the wife to the hospital and leave for the interview thereafter but on their way to the hospital, the taxi broke down. It was already 10:30am before he could get another taxi. 

 

He arrived the hospital at 11am, dropped the wife and used the same taxi to go for the interview. He arrived the interview venue at 12noon (2hours late). He rang the bell but no one opened the door. Earlier at 10am, the mail delivery company had rang the bell but no one opened the door too. When the door was finally opened, Mr Peter said "I'm sorry, I came... wanting to apologise for coming late but the Secretary interrupted before he could finish his statement and ushered him to the Board room. The Secretary said, I apologise Mr Peter for keeping you waiting since 10am, we actually heard when the bell rang at 10am but we were held up in a meeting with our company suppliers... 

However we have sat since 8am to deliberate on your job specification, your office and the salary. 

Mr Peter was baffled and said, "Ma'am, I haven't been interviewed yet’’.
The MD answered him and said "we decided not to conduct the interview at least to save time and also save the interviewees money on transport, so we looked at the papers for the most appropriate person we want and we opted for you. You won't be disappointed. You’ll be shown your office, your secretary and the driver
assigned to drive your company's allotted vehicle. You’ll be on probation for 2yrs. He got the job!!!

On his way out, his phone rang and it was the wife. She said honey, I was delivered of a bouncing baby boy. It was their fifth child and the only male child. He immediately called the child miracle. He got a double miracle same day, all the disappointments turned out to favour him.

God positioned the mail delivery man to ring the bell at 10am. God also held them up in the meeting until Mr Peter arrived.

Note: You might be held up by issues in your life and hope might be diminishing and you think the chance is gone. But you know what? God's waiting for you to release His favour, so don't go back along the way, don't quit, don't be upset by what you face along the way.
In fact, God has already deliberated on your specifications...One more thing,you don't have to go through any interview, since you have all the qualifications God wants. 

My prayers for you:
1. God will position somebody at the right place and the right time for you who will ring the bell in your favour.
2. God will turn all your disappointments to be a blessing for you.
3. Every positive meeting will end in your favour and every negative meeting will scatter in your favour.

Remain blessed beyond measure!
Best wishes in 2016

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THE POWER OF ONE

One- unit, determiner, a number that signifies an entity.

 

Many of us can remember that one day, one person or one event that changed our lives forever or significantly affected the course of our lives or is it that one spoken phrase or sentence which was uttered just once and which put a distance between you and the one you once held dear.

**Rings a bell?** Ahahaa!

Now note that it was just one event, one sentence or one..... (fill in the blank space) but it gave rise to a chain of events which in themselves could not have occurred without the trigger of that one event, person or statement. Now you get it.

Let me continue.
For me, I can remember all too vividly the one event, the one person and the one sentence that changed my life significantly and which set me on a destiny and career path from which I have not since derailed.
Here goes the abridged story - It was one beautiful Sunday, in my undergraduate days at the prestigious Obafemi Awolowo University (let me be proud for a moment). An alumnus had been invited to speak to us at my fellowship, and a phrase or sentence (let the linguists decide!) from the whole speech still rings in my head, in my memory and in my sub-consciousness which was to "develop myself in the area of my passion, so that I can get paid for doing what comes to me naturally". It seemed the guest speaker had been sent with a message for me alone, and that was all I needed to hear, and from that day till now I am still running with those words.
Moving away from me, many businesses, startups and initiatives all started with one idea, many people have had linkages and doors open to them in unexpected places because of a singular connection to one person. Stories abound that help point to the fact that all you need to make it and get ahead in life, career, phase of life, is that one game changing idea! That connection or linkage to that one person that will propel you from where you are now to where you should be. Many marriages have been consummated and partnerships established, all because one person uttered a word as much as "hi' or "hello", all that happened thereafter surprised even themselves and their imagination.

 

In the light of BOX IT OUT, what do you have to offer? Do you feel it is inconsequential (big grammar for small)? give it anyway. Your time, money, efforts, linkages, we need all of that and we will work with it regardless. We have YOU, we do not have to look elsewhere, because you are strong, resourceful, intelligent and, alone with God you are a perfect combination and together we are a mighty army. You are capable of so much and the world is waiting to see that.

This is a huge chance to make a difference and impact the lives of the children and the families we would be reaching this yuletide! After this event you may forget, but they won’t, so please do not be found wanting, be the reason behind their smile, behind their gratitude and behind their renewed hope in life and living.

We may not know it now but it will be a seed sown, whose fruits we will not be able to estimate.

By Winifred Imoyera.
For: Light Team Dynasty

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